Motherhood is the Scariest Hood I've Ever Been To | Part One | My Pregnancy
I have added this intro in after starting to write this post. My intention was to share my whole story but there is too much to share so I have decided to break it up in parts.
Part One | My Pregnancy
For as long as I can remember I was never interested in having kids. I was never the person to run over to a child that walked into the room. Never the gushy one. Never the one who wanted to play with the kids. Would snicker at baby voices. Holding them would be forced. They just weren't for me. That huge desire so many women have for children, mine was for a wonderful husband.
I remember when Mike and I first met he explained to me that he had (at the time) an 8 year old daughter and felt strongly that he was ok to not have any more. How perfect for me, right? Well after meeting her and seeing how wonderful of a father he was I was starting to switch my tune and all of a sudden I found myself having the baby conversation with him. I had moved into his home about 45 minutes from where I lived and a month later I was pregnant.
My journey into the hood of mothers started abruptly. It seemed as soon as I was comfortable with the idea I was pregnant and this was only 4 months into my relationship with Mike. I found out I was pregnant in April of 2017 on a Friday after a very long work week. How this would change my life was beyond anything I could have comprehended at that time.
Around week 7 the nausea started. I knew this was the norm from all my Hollywood movie research so although it was terrible I figured this is what all women dealt with in the first 3 months and it would pass. That said as each day went by I got more and more sick. I have vivid memories driving to work with a bucket on my lap. I could hardly keep anything down and no food seemed remotely appetizing. I remember having my first family doctor appointment and explaining how sick I was. He prescribed me Diclectin and assured me it would help. It was the anti-nausea medication all women receive who have morning sickness. It did nothing. I continued to be sick day and night and was losing weight rapidly.
I was 3 months pregnant and anticipated things would start getting better (because that's what everyone said) and it didn't. I went to my doctor again and he had no suggestions for medication but knew I needed to take a break from work to rest to hopefully keep some food down and get my body back to absorbing water and nutrients for this baby I was growing.
I can't remember how long I was off work for originally but I do know I kept seeing my doctor and it kept getting worse and worse. He finally realized he was dealing with someone who didn't just have morning sickness but Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). It is a pregnancy complication that is characterized by severe vomiting and nausea that leads to dehydration. I was so happy to finally have an answer to why I was so sick but disappointed that my doctor didn't know much about treatment since he isn't an OB. I remember crying in his office. I was so sick and full of horomones and felt a lot of guilt not being able to be present at my job. He looked at me very sternly and reminded me that this wasn't about just me anymore and I needed to do what was best for this baby. He was right. I stopped working after that.
After the diagnosis I just happen to chat with a girl who was also pregnant and was also told she had HG. She mentioned she was put on stronger medication, Zofran, and that was the only thing that seemed to help.
At my next appointment I discussed this to my doctor and he had never heard of prescribing Zofran to someone who was pregnant, in fact it was a drug given to chemo patients for their nausea. He and I discussed the risks (or lack there of) and we decided that I would hold off until having my first OB appointment. She would definitely know best. So I provided him the name of the doctor I wanted in my home city and he explained he would need to make sure she was able to take me and if they could that her office would be in touch. I waited almost 2 weeks with no phone call. Again, not having been through this I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't but I finally followed up with my family doctor to find out his staff forgot to make the referral. Thank goodness I called! A few days later I got the call to set up the appointment with the OB and I took the first one available. At this point Mike was driving me everywhere. I was too sick to go anywhere. We always had bags and the famous "puke bucket" wherever we went. It became somewhat humorous.
I remember sitting down in her office and she had my file in front of her. She weighed me and saw what my starting weight was and immediately wrote me a prescription for Zofran and a note to my employer that I needed to be off indefinitely.
Here I was. About 5-6 months pregnant, hadn't gained a pound, so sick I couldn't be at a job where I could count on one hand the amount of sick days I took. At this point I had already been off for about 2 months and it wasn't looking promising but I was still in disbelief that this would last my entire pregnancy. That would just be crazy!
My emotional state was not good. My entire world was flipped upside down in a matter of days. I had a successful career with a company I loved and had been with for 10+ years, living in a new city and bed ridden because of this baby that I had never really thought about before. Confusion is an understatement. All I wanted was everything to go back to normal. I wanted my regular routine, my job, my friends at work and to feel "normal" again.
It never did. And it only got worse.
One night I got up to use the washroom and there was blood everywhere. I was terrified. I was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound and they discovered the placenta was covering my cervix. The solution? Bed rest. If it didn't correct itself, cesarian about a week before my due date. My days of thinking I would be returning to work were over.
I still had about 2-3 months until my due date so all I could do was lay low. I was able to eat again if I took my medication religiously but most foods still weren't appetizing. We still had our families over for Thanksgiving and I had a visit at my parent's house, my sister threw me a beautiful baby shower and Mike's mom had a lovely one for me at her house. This was the bulk of my entertainment over a few months.
My water broke 3 weeks early (November 26th). The evening of the Wolf Family Shower and the Hyperemesis Gravidarum was gone immediately.
Part Two | Evie's Birth Story (to be continued)
Thanks for stopping by! xo